I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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