now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
