The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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