My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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