what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
