I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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