Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
