Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
