My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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