so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
