White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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