I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
