M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
