I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
