I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Your penis caused this!
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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