he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
