well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Drunk is not a location!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
