She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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