i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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