I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
