He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
