I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
