I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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