hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
