On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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