ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
