I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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