I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
