I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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