Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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