I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
