Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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