Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
