Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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