This is not my ceiling
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
