a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
