Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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