Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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