The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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