I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
