Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
