the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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