the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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