you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
