Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize