she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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