Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it glows. i had to have it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
