# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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