I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's shark week go big or go home
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
