happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
