True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize