well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
