Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i now understand why vodka
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
