GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
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I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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