but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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