Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
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