So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
