The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
