You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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