I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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