Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
