Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
