Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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